Dear Pierce Nahigyan,
Here are some things I know about you:
1) You get cold very easily. Running your hands under hot water is one of life's simple ecstasies
2) You have a propensity to collect things, and a genetic disposition to hoarding.
3) You read swiftly when a book pleases you, easily consuming more than a hundred pages in a sitting.
4) You read glacially when a book doesn’t hook you, and will start and complete several more books while ostensibly “reading” the glacial one. This has led to a backlog of intriguing but slow-paced books in your library. You have made magnificent progress in resigning yourself to never reading these books, and just giving them away.
5) Caffeine elevates your innate anxiety and anger while shortening your attention span and patience.
6) You only recognize the first five Fasts and Furiouses as canon.
7) Alcohol makes you convivial when consumed at the right time of day and in moderate quantities. Consumed any other way and it's a sure recipe for putting you to sleep. Or, once, for making you streak through an Alpharetta neighborhood.
8) When you respond, "I don't care where we eat," it's usually true.
9) When you respond, "Nothing's wrong," you're usually too impatient, angry, bored, or tired to explain what's wrong.
10) Death is always at the forefront of your mind.
11) You sincerely hope that consciousness is an innate property of the universe, accumulating in living organisms and then dispersing at the point of death like air molecules to be exhaled and reabsorbed elsewhere. Whether or not this is the case, see above.
12) When you were younger you fancied yourself an egalitarian humanist. This is no longer true.
13) Losing your religion was traumatic.
14) Mediterranean food is easily your favorite kind of food. Smugly, you think this has something to do with your Armenian heritage.
15) Next to the smell, your favorite part of Michael Grant's The World of Rome is that the cover proclaims it, "Profusely Illustrated."